Getting It Sorted

This is a story about a wee family who lived in a quiet flat in Midlothian Edinburgh.
Summer was coming to a close, children were gearing up to start a new school year,  and it was about time for the youngest boy to start his first year of Nursery.

"Mummy", the boy said, "why do I need to go to school today? Classes haven't started yet."
"Well we need to meet the Deputy love" the mother replied, "she is going to show us your classroom and answer some of Mummy's questions. You'll get to meet your new teacher too!
Now get dressed quickly so we can go out to do some errands. Remember, put your trousers over your pants, then your socks and wellies. I'll help you get your shirt and jumper on, then you can try buttoning up your waterproof by yourself like a big boy."

"I can't find my trousers mum", the boy said "can you help me?"
"It doesn't look like you can find any of your pants either" the mother replied,  "you're wearing your sisters' knickers.
Where did you find those anyways?"

"They were in the conservatory in the basket by the tumble dryer" the boy replied.

"Oh no" exclaimed Mummy, "those are all dirty, you don't touch those till they've had a proper washing!
Now run to the kitchen sink, scrub your hands with some washing-up-liquid and wash them really well."

By the time they actually left the flat it was half eleven and Mummy was already feeling knackered.
Poor Mummy stepped out into the car park and realized Daddy had taken the estate car for work.

"Oh no", mummy thought to herself, "that car had the double nipper in the boot! I won't be able to fit all of the groceries in the little buggy. I'll have to put Junior in a trolley at the store. He hates trollies!

She grabbed Junior, ran back into the flat and snatched her other set of keys off of the bunker for the saloon.
After she had Junior strapped in, she went to start the car and nothing happened.

"Just my luck" she grumbled, "what now?"
She opened the bonnet, got out of the car and checked the engine and battery.
"Nothing wrong here" she thought.
Then she remembered: "Junior" she said, "didn't I ask Daddy to put some petrol in the car yesterday on his way home from work?"
"Aye" the boy replied.
"Great! Just Great!" Mummy chuffed. "That explains why he took the estate car this morning. Oh well, he'll just have to make a stop on the way home. Guess I'll have to text him the shopping list. He isn't gonna know where a lot of this stuff is, but he can just call me on the mobile to suss it out if he needs to.
Back inside we go Junior.
Now for the list." She thought to herself.  "Let's see here: bangers, swede, aubergine, courgette, chips, crisps, a bap, nappies, dummies, a another bin for the toilet, some biscuits, beef mince, and some petrol in a jerry can...oh, and we'll need some mayonnaise for the chips.
He'll have to make a stop by the bank as well to bring home some quid for the Junior's bus tickets.
He's not going to be home with the food in time to prepare it for tea, so he'll just have to bring home some take-away.
I had an appointment at the surgery today for my last ultrasound. Guess I'll have to reschedule that as well.
Baby will be here within a fortnight, where has the time gone?

Junior" she hollered,  "would you mind running out to the pavement at the end of the yard and dropping this post in the pillar box for me?"
"Yes mum." Junior hollered back.
I really hope father uses the satnav on the way home" she thought to herself, "he never ventures to that part of the city.
Oh well, I suppose if I can't get the errands done, I can do some tidying around the flat. I gotta take out the rubbish, hoover the floors, finish the washing and see if I can get the cloak room sorted.
Not much in the fridge, so tea will have to be something simple. Maybe some toasties, some rocket with salad cream and tuna, and ice-lollies for pudding. I think we should have just enough lemon squash and milk to last for today, but I should add that to the list.....oh, and some jif lemon as well."

Just then her mobile rang. "Honey" her husband exclaimed, "I'm going to be quite late getting home. A lorry swerved too quickly over a hump to dodge an oncoming MPV, bowled over a telephone box and smashed into St. David's Secondary School." What?!" shouted mother. "Aye" said her husband, "Traffic is stopped both directions, and the cue is backed up for a couple of miles!
The amazing thing is that the lorry narrowly missed a bunch of kids on the zebra crossing! A small child tripped on the curb trying to get out of the way, and had to have a couple of plasters put on his knees, but otherwise everyone's fine! Flip on the tele at 5, the story will probably be on the news.

Since I won't be able to take the road home anytime soon, is there anything you would like me to grab from the store? I can just put the address into the satnav, since it's the other direction, traffic should be fine.
By the way, I'm really sorry I forgot to put petrol in the car yesterday, I know that would have put you out!"

"I'm glad everyone's ok, and yes, I've spent the morning whinging cause everything has been thrown off, but I'm fine now." Mother replied. "I'm getting lots sorted at home, and it turns out my appointment with the surgery was actually booked for next week not this week, I swear it's the preggo brain!
Anyways, it's funny you called just now, I was just about to call you to ask you to go do the shopping. Did you get the text I sent you with the shopping list?"

"No, I...yes, yes,  just got it!" The husband replied. "I'll go do that straight away!
By the way, I think it's high time we get our windscreen and indicator fixed. I feel like we could be pulled over at any moment.
 Oh, oh, oh! And just remembered, the child-minder's coming over at 7 so we can have our night out! We haven't been to a cinema in ages!
And no kids! We don't have to worry about someone paging us over the tannoy cause our wee son has wandered into the ladies loo or into the lift!
Never a dull moment with parenting. Love you and see you in....maybe a couple of years (rubbish traffic)."

I wrote this story to give my North American friends and family a rough idea of what's it's like to learn the new language here.
Some of these words are different in various parts of the United Kingdom, as different areas have their own lingo, but still many are universally used and known.
Every day we are learning new words and phrases, and only after 2 months of being here are things starting to make sense to us (on the whole).
Try and get your head around speaking a completely different language....that is still English.
Then, on top of that, throw in a vast array of thick accents.
Welcome to Edinburgh!